I’ve been rewatching Felicity, a late 90s teen melodrama starring Keri Russell as a girl who follows her crush from California to the East Coast while attending a barely fictitious NYU proxy. Unlike others shows of the genre Felicity does not feature adults and teens together in a world where their conflicts are shared and agency is equal. It is more realistic than the 90210s, the OCs and the Riverdales. The cast are college kids with college problems, but that isn’t to say it is an accurate depiction of being 18 and moving to New York. It isn’t. However, if you are an adolescent in the suburbs then this show is a spot-on recreation of your fantasies to graduate high school and move to the city. It is middling and also perfect.
Although not by name, Felicity is a reference in this song by Don Lennon. He evokes her while trying to paint the image of being young and drunk in downtown Manhattan, pouring into the street with all the people who know your name. ‘Death of My Imagination’ starts with his voice and an acoustic guitar, and while it is intended to sound confessional the song is never bare. The guitar is always multi-tracked as is the voice. As the song develops the instrumentation slowly grows, eventually hitting the midway which is bisected with a beautiful harmonica solo, only after which the drums finally kick in. It could play during the trailer for the movie about your life, and it is equally suited for the end credits.
The first half of the song sets up a series of daydreams the narrator has of what they thought their life would be, and the second half knocks them down with reality. The thing is, the dreams aren’t that great and the reality isn’t that bad. The tragedy is that they are different and the difference is irrelevant. If you dreamt to wear blue today but you ended up wearing grey then technically your dream didn’t come true. When you are young your future is invisible. It is unimaginable. Then one day you realize the only reason you couldn’t see it is because of how agonizingly imaginable it actually was, and by the time that sinks in you do some quick math and realize the future you’re reconciling isn’t even your present anymore. I found this song when I was Felicity-aged and feeling all of Felcity’s feelings. I remember it sinking to the bottom of my stomach and then bouncing up into my chest as I thought, “OMG this is so beautiful I can’t wait until I’m jaded and disillusioned one day.”
